Earlier this week I was overcome with self-doubt as I stretched out of my comfort zone, practiced what I preach and did something that really scared me! Video.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love being in front of the camera. Heck, I used to host my own cable TV show in Los Angeles every week. It’s not the camera that scares me.
It was the fear and self-doubt that I wasn’t going to deliver my message in a way that truly came through and reached out to touch your heart. (You’ll see the first video I shot on January 2… it’s being edited as I write this!)
The self-doubt was at its peak when I got in my car on Wednesday morning to drive to the shoot location. I’m sure it was the same self-doubt and self-talk that my clients experience on their journey to becoming a published author. Can I really do this? Will my words make a difference? Is my heart going to come through? Will my authenticity come through? What will people think? Who am I to think I can do this?
You see, this time the video wasn’t being shot in my little home studio with my husband operating the camera and “directing.” This time, I hired a professional videographer, and a makeup artist (which I resisted because I wanted to look like ME – and not some “made up” version of me). I hardly ever wear makeup! I also flew in my Director of Visibility and Impact from Washington State to direct it all. So, the “heat” was on as I took this big step to up-level my impact.
All my old “stuff” about “performing” kicked in. I wanted to get it right. I wanted my words to land in your heart. I wanted to inspire people to take action to turn their dream of writing a book into reality. I wanted these videos to make a difference in the world. After all I was putting into them, I wanted the videos to work!
So, as I get in my car with my suitcase packed, I can feel all the self-doubt overcoming me. If everyone wasn’t waiting for me on location, I might have turned around. But, then I saw it.
I saw the most spectacular sunrise begin to cast light over the snowy fields. I saw horses in their blankets, and cows on another hillside perfectly poised to catch the first light of morning. I saw the stunning geometric lines and majesty of the barren resting trees. And I began to cry.
Because for me as I saw such beauty, I felt like God was smiling upon me. I felt the morning sunrise had been placed right there, right then, right in front of my eyes for me and me only. So, that I could be reminded of my own light and the light I want to bring into the world one author at a time.
I felt the sunrise was there to remind me that it was God/Universe/Spirit/Soul that brought me to this moment – calling me forward to do this work, and help more people. I cried nearly the whole way to the location.
And, through my tears of gratitude, humility and awe… the self-doubt disappeared.
I offered a heartfelt prayer as I pulled up the long driveway to our location (one of my favorite spots on earth), and turned it all over. Trust and surrender aren’t always easy, but with the power of that sunrise and thinking of the lives I might transform… I let go.
So, I invite you to consider where in your life you’re experiencing self-doubt or fear of doing what you’re here to do (maybe it’s writing your book). Then, look for signs and evidence that can assure you “all is well,” you can do it, and you don’t have to do it alone.
You are here for a reason; you are here to bring more light to the world; you are here to tell your story; share your message; and make a difference!
My wish as you enter the New Year is that you do so with confidence, clarity and courage to go for your dreams and let your light shine! And, in those moments you waiver (like I did on Wednesday) that you remember the TRUTH of who you are, you remember that call in your heart and keep going.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I care about you, and hope you found a nugget of inspiration here for YOUR journey. Please comment below!